The Tequila Post -Lockout Edition

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My boss and I have a disagreement. He thinks we just downed 5 margaritas. I think 6. Doesn’t matter. We both need to be in the office by 8:30, and neither of us gets to pretend that practicing our free throws or negotiating a land deal with some contact in our back pocket is actually work.

I’ve got a 25 minute ferry ride to let you folks know how I’m feeling right now, and I gotta tell you I miss the old days when my chief NBA concern was the Lakers shooting 20 more free throws than the Celtics in game 7 of the NBA finals (can I get a goddamn asterisk next to that title?). All the greedy flips on both sides of this lockout have led me to yearn for the old days when KG was mysteriously called for twice as many personals as Gasol.

Here’s my new plan to fix everything: abolish the cap and all the trade rules. Have the rich teams help the poor teams relocate to decent markets (Michael Jordan’s “Chicago Aires” would make more money than Caesar in Gaul and the Maloofs’ “Las Vegas Royals” would bring in a bundle too). That is all.

People want to assign blame now, as though that has some bearing. “The owners are such bullies!”. “The union handled things so poorly!”. I don’t give a rat’s ass who’s at fault! Nobody should. The truth is that for real, diehard NBA fans, one our purest escapes and most honest points of connection to our fellow fans has been robbed for the sake of percentage points and ego.

If teams can’t control their spending on middling talents or agents can’t negotiate agreeable contracts for run of the mill clients… F ’em. The rest of the world works far less enjoyable professions for far less money than ownership or players, and we all get along okay.

Welcome to the 99%, assholes. And yeah I live and work in New York where this pain is real, and riot police are out in force, so Patrone or no, I know whereof I speak.

JP

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2 Responses to “The Tequila Post -Lockout Edition”

  1. High Above Courtside Says:

    Boy do I love the tequilla posts!

    All the qualifications that I seek in the Commissioner of my league are front and center. A hard drinking, tough talking son of a bitch who ain’t taking no shit from anybody. Whether it be Mark Cuban (who really won’t be in the league because it will be player owned) or Lebron James. Now if I can just get you to take up cigar smoking….but we can work on that.

    And I hear you regarding the assholes. I live and drink in Maine, and I carry a gun.

    • jpalumbo Says:

      Cuban can own a team, but he has to take up a roster spot and show up games dressed and available to play.

      Jason Palumbo

      Sent from my iPhone

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